The Middle-Child Holiday Blues

I’m not a middle-child. I’m actually the eldest out of the siblings and cousins in my family. But this holiday season, I realize the extent of middle-childrens’ pain. This season’s ultimate middle-child? Thanksgiving.

I have come to think of Thanksgiving as the middle child of the holiday season: overshadowed by the achievements big brother Christmas and ignored over the whining of emo little sister, Halloween.

Marketers seem to have forgotten about Thanksgiving altogether. Thanksgiving sits there quietly and patiently, simply asking others’ to gather together and give thanks for all of the good in their life. However, Thanksgiving is only given one-day of attention whereas Halloween is given at least a few weeks and Christmas is given practically a three-month span of attention.

Maybe we should all give Thanksgiving a little more attention next year and be thankful for what we have, not making lists about what we want.

Text-Happy Trigger Fingers

Put the phone down and your hands behind your head

An epidemic is occuring: people with their faces buried in their phones, frenzied fingers click-click-clicking away in a whirlwind of texts. You see it everywhere: in the classroom, at the grocery store, on the road, in the airport, during a church service, at the movie theater, out at a restaurant, even in your own home.  I like to call this phenomena TEXT-HAPPY TRIGGER FINGERS (TTF).

 TTF belongs to the family of addiction diseases such as alcoholism, drug-abuse, and playing WOW. Causes of TTF are believed to be: Narcissicm, Loneliness, ADD, Boredom, and/or Vanity.

  

However, there are different levels of symptom severity. Stages include:

Stage 1: Irritating

At the beginning stage of TTF, you are being irritating. Your texting is noticeable and slightly bothersome, but not really worth the hassle of making a big fuss. Texts equal 1-2 every  5 minutes.

Stage 2: Annoying

At Stage 2, you are being annoying. The amount of texting has progressed and is starting to piss people off. Someone might politely crack a joke about your texting or you might see a few nudges or eye rolls every time your phone buzzes. Texts equal 3-4  every 5 minutes.

Stage 3: Infuriating

In the most severe stage of TTF, you are infuriating people. Your texting is so utterly obnoxious that it is making people angry. Those who are a bit more confrontational may snap at you to put your phone away. Others will just stop asking you to hang out period. Texts equal 5+ every 5 minutes.

I’m not one to be hypocritical: I too, have fell victim to TTF in the past. I never understood how my friends could get so annoyed by my texting. Luckily, my friends were vocal enough to yell at me every time I started to relapse. However, most times people aren’t comfortable being vocal and instead sit there and suffer while the TTF-er goes hog wild.  I never understood the severity of this disease until I saw other people who had more severe addictions than myself.

You may think that you are not bothering anyone, but the reality is: you are being extremely annoying and you need to stop. If you do it when you are by yourself that’s fine, but PLEASE try to keep the texting to a minimal when you are around other people because it is distracting, inconsiderate, and rude.

Even if you have TTF, there is a cure: put the phone down and live in the now. Enjoy the people around you instead of burying your face in your phone. Hide your phone if you have to or else other people will.

Superheroes

In light of Mother’s and Father’s day

 

Now that I’m off my beauty/ fashion/ business kick for awhile, I can focus on things a little less superficial. But in the same vein, I suppose you need to go through the superficialities to get to the parts that are meaningful; You have to peel the rind before you can get to the core. But no worries, I’m sure I’ll be back to my fashionista ways soon enough. Just give me a sunny day, a pair of heels, and some lip gloss and the world is rose-colored again. But seeing today is another gloomy, cloudy day in Big Rapids, I can clear my head of all the sugar-coated fuzziness and think about things that might actually matter.

This leads me to thinking about parent-oriented holidays celebrated in these months of Spring. Having just celebrated Mother’s Day in May and on our way to celebrating Father’s Day in June, this is the perfect time to take a deeper look at our parents in the midst of celebrating their ability to conceive.

To me, and I think to most kids, parents are a bit like superheroes when you are growing-up. They are strong enough to break through brick walls when they lock the keys in the house, are as fast as the speed of lightening when driving you to soccer practice, fly around the world fighting crime and are home in time to make you your afterschool snack, use their x-ray vision to find your lost teddybear, and of course always scare the bad guys away - especially that mean boy named Rufus who always picks on you at the playground. In the precarious eyes of a child, parents are infallible.

But sometimes as you get older, their superpowers start to wane. More and more amounts of kryptonite make them weak:  failed marriages, addiction, physical and mental abuse, an inability to show emotion, health problems, lost motivation and drive in life, money troubles, unemployment, greed, apathy, impossible expectations, abandonment, power and control issues, lies, let-downs, broken promises, disappointments.

It’s then that their masked identities unravel. You realize they really aren’t superheroes anymore, but rather tragic heroes: a person who means well, but an error of judgement or an inherent flaw (known as their “tragic flaw” in the literary world) combined with external forces and extinuating circumstances, leads to their downfall.

And it is at this point in life at their weakest, they hand the torch to you. And you need to put on that mask and save them from the one thing that could be their demise: themselves.

Enjoy your mothers and fathers in these spring months, whether superhero or tragic hero.

M.

Studies Show Pretty Results

Put your best face forward for the best pay

Studies have shown that women in the workforce who wear makeup, do their hair, and put effort into their appearance make MORE than women who do not.

Lesley Everett, author of the book Drop Dead Brilliant, says, “It is a fact that women who wear make-up in business generally get better jobs, get promoted more quickly and get paid more.”

In a survey, 64 per cent of directors said that women who wore make-up look more professional and 18 per cent of directors said that women who do not wear make-up “look like they can’t be bothered to make an effort”.

Everette claims this is because “whether we like it or not, we live in a very visual world and we get judged on appearances.”

Whether I like it or not, I think I agree.

To read the rest of the article on Lesley Everette, visit: http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/career_and_jobs/graduate_management/article2961724.ece

A Guy’s Guide to Grooming

Men can feel pretty too! But, ya know, in a manly sort of way.

In my last post, I discussed my love of makeup. But taking care of one’s appearances aren’t limited to just women. This goes for men too.

There are plenty of male products available, most of them focusing on the art of shaving and maintaining a smooth, healthy complexion.

Men may not wear makeup (with the exception of a small population), but that does not mean they cannot put some effort into their appearance. Men like to call this grooming.

Grooming may encompass one or all of the following:

• Basic Hygeine
• Facial Moisturizer
• Shaving Accessories
• Lip Balm
• Hair Products
• Cologne
• Concealer

Basic Hygiene means basically washing your smelly boy germs off yourself: showering, brushing your teeth, washing your face, etc. Every girl loves the smell of a yummy boy’s body wash (or at least loves not having to deal with your B.O.!) And for those gusy who haven’t figured it out yet, basic hygiene should be practiced EVERYDAY. So suds up!

Facial Moisturizer sounds a bit girly, but it’s not (especially if you live in a cold-weathered climate like Michigan). Dry, itchy, flaky skin on your face in order to appear more “manly”? No thanks! There is a whole category of moisturizing products aimed at the male market. Brands such as Jack Black, Lab Series, and Anthony Logistics are strictly “male complexion enhancers.” They even have male-prefered characteristics such as colorless, odorless, and UV protection, all amounting to one easy-to-use all-in-one product. These are not your mom’s moisturizers, boys.

Shaving Accessories usually include a razor, shaving cream, and after-shave balm. Elitists use a pre-shave oil to prep their face and a shaving brush to lather the cream evenly. The brands listed for the Facial Moisturizers all carry shaving accessories. Another brand to try is actually called The Art of Shaving. If you don’t want to spend big bucks to keep a clean profile, the drugstore brand of Nivea Shaving Cream comes highly reccomended. My male friends claim that the Nivea shaving cream is even better than some of the expensive, high-end brands. Another one to watch is Aveda’s After-shave balm. Not only does it leave your face smooth and smelling fresh, it is organic too (if you care about that sort of thing). For $15/ 3.4 oz bottle, I would say it is a good investment to make.

Lip Balm is one of those products that you guys tend to bum off your girlfriend or a close female friend. But it is time to stop mooching and start buying your own! Obviously sickly sweet flavors are going to land you at the butt of every joke, but there are lip blams out there that can make you seem a little more heterogeneous. Jack Black’s Intense Therapy Lip Balm delivers moisture to your dry, chapped lips while smelling of the fresh scent of peppermint or the soothing scent of Lemon and Chamomile. Burts Bees Lip Balm is another good option that does not smell or taste of Katy Perry’s lips (You should want to taste cherry chapstick on HER lips, not vice versa). Chapstick even comes unflavored and in peppermint.

Hair Products have become the most acceptable form of male grooming (aside from basic hygiene, I hope!) Guys trying to achieve a short, spiky-look use wax. When trying to get that mussed, bed-head look, guys use pomade or defining paste. American Crew has plenty of great “male-inspired” products. They even have a “grooming spray” that serves the basic function as hairspray. Now you can stop secretly using your girlfriend’s bottle of hairspray!

Cologne is another product with which most guys don’t seem to have qualms or gender-identity crises. the world of colognes are endless. If it smells good to you, chances are it will probably smell good to her too That is, unless you wear ”Sex Panther” cologne (if you’ve seen the movie Anchorman then you know what I am talking about). A few of my personal favorites for men are from Burberry, Guess, Lacoste, and Jean Paul Gaultier.

Concealer (aka the flesh-colored makeup that covers acne and dark circles) is becoming more and more popular among the male population. Men are finally figuring out that it is OKAY to not want to walk around with acne on their face. Believe me, girls are rejoicing everywhere and will thank you for covering those nasties up.

Even the holy grail of makeup suppliers, Sephora, has a men’s category on their online store (www.sephora.com). Obviously, if there wasn’t a large demand for a men’s category in a makeup retailer, it wouldn’t be available. This just goes to show that men’s grooming is becoming more popular.

It is about damn time!

Feel Pretty: A Makeup Manifesto

A woman’s best cosmetic is happiness. In the meantime, pass me that tube of lipstick.

 I am one of those girls that wears makeup every day. I’ve been playing with pots of rouge and pallets of pigmented powders since 3rd grade. To me, the application of makeup is a methodical practice of art. The transformation the application of makeup produces is much like starting with a blank canvas and turning into a work from Monet . Swirls of colors, soft edges, and an overall pleasing form is produced from a few precious swipes of paint on a bare canvas. The benefits makeup provide are like a religious experience; it’s a chunk of time out of my day that I devote totally to me. I look better, feel better, and look forward to the rest of the day. It is a therapy that only I can provide.

Now, I am not saying anything bad against girls who do not prefer to wear makeup. Afterall, it’s your face and your prerogative. In fact, some non-makeup wearers actually  think my interest in makeup is cool and volunteer to be my victims by letting me give them the occasional makeover. Even my boyfriend (as much as he complains about how long it takes me to get ready) says  he is fascinated by it and loves watching me apply my makeup before we go out.

But there are the naysayers who condemn me for the practices of my craft. These are the femi-nazi non-makeup wearers who think that if it’s not for them, then it shouldn’t be for anybody. And the mindset is that if you do wear makeup, then you obviously are fake, shallow, and have insecurities that you are trying to hide.

When asking to apply just a teensy-weensy bit of lively color to her otherwise plain-jane complexion before we went to a club, a roommate of mine responded in a rather snarky tone, “I don’t NEED makeup, I’m cute WITHOUT it.”

A few thoughts ran through my mind:

1. Unless you are have almost-perfect DNA and are therefore making millions in modeling contracts, makeup CAN and WILL make you look better.
2. I want to go out with someone who looks READY to go to the club, not ready to go to the library.
3. Please just at least let me even your complexion!

I am still unsure as to whether she was trying to make a jab at me for wearing makeup or if she was really delusional enough to think that makeup would somehow make her less of a person, but I will tell you one thing: I don’t wear makeup because I feel like I HAVE to, I wear it because I WANT to. It’s fun. It adds a little bit of confidence when I know I look good. But most of all, it says to other people that I care enough about myself to put a little bit of effort into taking care of myself.

I can understand if applying makeup and moisturizers feels like a chore to some people. However, there are many products out there that are multi-tasking and easy to use. Products such as Benefit’s Creasless Cream Eyeshadow is a glass pot of creamy eyeshadow that can be used as a liner as well as a shadow. Benefit’s Rush Hour is another multitasker that can be used as a cream blush as well as a lipstick. Nar’s The Multiple (it even says it in the name!) can be used as a highlighter, blush, eyeshadow, and lip shimmer. These are just a few of the glorious world of multitasking products.

Even just the basics of a bit of concealer, a little powder, a swipe of mascara and lip balm can dramatically enhance a person’s appearance. This way, you can still look and feel “natural,” but look like you put a bit of effort into taking care of yourself. And the best part is, it only take 2 minutes.

Back in the 1950′s, women did not leave the house without first applying their lipstick. Now, this may be a LITTLE extreme, but I think a world where students wear sweat pants and ripped jeans to class is a little extreme too.

Going Bananas for Bananagrams

Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better than Scrabble…

Over the past week at the NCAA Division II Indoor Track Nationals in Houston, I had a lot of free time to sit around in my hotel room at the Hyatt downtown. You would think I would be out enjoying the big city atmosphere, but alas, I was not. Why? Because Houston smells like urine, that’s why. Besides smelling like pee and the enormous amount of pollution (to which we can probably attribute the smell), Houston does not have much to offer. Window shopping downtown was not unlike what I could have done in my own hometown, seeing as the only store I bought merchandise was from Macy’s. The nightlife was fairly uneventful as well. There were a few cool bars, but one would expect a lot more from a city whose slogan is “bigger is better!”

It was when we were faced with the dilemma of passing time that I was introduced to the new love of my life: Bananagrams. The game is a lot like scrabble, but  for those without the time, patience, and/or attention span attributed to retirees and stay-at-home moms.

Here’s the basics:

Everyone gets a set amount of tiles according to how many people are playing, leaving a pile of tiles in the middle of the group.

Starting with the tiles faced down, you wait until everyone is ready to flip them right-side up.

Once they are all right-side up, you start spelling words with your tiles and arrange them as you would on a scrabble board.

Once you have used all your tiles and arranged them into words, you say “PEEL!” and then everyone, including you, has to draw another tile from the pile. This happens everytime you use all your tiles.

If you are unable to find a way to use a tile, you can say “DUMP!” and discard the tile into the pile. However, if you discard a tile, then you must draw three new tiles.

Once all the tiles from the pile are drawn leaving none left, then it is a race to who can use all their tiles the fastest.

Whoever is the first to use all their tiles wins and says “BANANAGRAMS!”

In it’s fun quirky yellow cloth banana-shaped case, it makes a fun conversational peice and makes it easy to carry for travel. Like a deck of cards, you can pick up a game here, there, anywhere and while away 5 minutes or 5 hours. Not only is it quick and easy to learn, but since most of the words you can make are only 3 and 4 letter words, you don’t even need to be a “good speller” in order to play. Though I will say, it helps ENORMOUSLY if you know all the two letter words from scrabble. And of course, the better your vocabulary, the better your chances of winning are.

However, if you go to Walmart or Target or some other general store you won’t have any luck finding it there. As far as I know, the game is only sold in Barnes and Nobles, on websites such as Amazon, and in other specialty bookstores (such as Great Lakes Books and Supplies in Big Rapids, MI).

So go bananas!

I Got a Stage Five Clinger.

The monster next door.

Have you ever met someone new to whom you bestow your kindness upon, the only reason being because you are a nice person, only to find out that he/she is a Stage Five Clinger (SFC)? Creepiness in the form of a SFC found its way to me this past year. However, there always is a silver-lining to each clingy cloud, mine being a topic to post about today.

Scene: You meet a new person. Through a friend, in a line, at a bar, through a social networking website. whatever.You and the new acquaintance start a convo of small talk. Or maybe even big talk. Either way, you are chatting. You had a pleasant-enough conversation and all parties involved had a good time , but, much like a one-night stand, you don’t really plan on keeping a close relationship. Maybe a bootycall in the form of a “Hey! How are you? So good to see you! Bye!” when running into them again, but nothing much more involved than that.

Or maybe you actually do befriend the person, offer them a spot as your roommate, and then offer them a little place in your heart and perform acts of charity for them, such as, but not limited to: cooking meals for them, giving them a make over, gift giving, and/ or begging their boyfriend (or girlfriend, this is hypothetical after all) to not break up with them the week of their birthday.

However, unbeknown to you, you are dealing with a SFC. The rules have changed. In fact, there are no rules. No boundaries. No privacy. You have just entered the realm of a SFC. There is no turning back now, at least not without all the emotional-abuse ammunition you possess.

In hopes that you can identify someone with SFC, here are a list of symptoms:

They text you even when you don’t respond. And text you again. And again. And again. And again….

They casually bring up your party, dinner date, family reunion, honeymoon, etc. in hopes that they will be invited. If not, they invite themselves.

They copy every stupid thing you say, even when you say something stupid on purpose just to see if they are copying you.

They befriend all of your friends, before you introduce them.

They agree with everything you say. All. The. Time.

They hack into your e-mail, facebook, myspace, twitter, etc. And then yell at you about what they find.

You see the exact same monkey poster hanging on their wall that you bought a week ago.

Theses characteristics and more are a range of symptoms suffered by all SFC victims. If you see any of these symptoms, or suspect a person to have SFC, STAY AWAY AT ALL COSTS.

Otherwise, you may end up with the worst frenemy you will ever have to encounter. Their annoying habits of copying you and following you around like a lap dog will turn into resentment and habits of scheming to ruin your birthday, holiday, anniversary, and life. Of course they will be nice to your face for the time being, even though you have a sneaking suspicion soemthing just doesn’t measure up. Then when you confront them on it, they put the blame and frustration of not having thier own sense-of -self on you. Heck, they may even accuse YOU of being “fake” in order to make themselves feel more original, cool, indiviual, popular, whatever.

But now that you are aware of the traits possessed by SFC, you can lead a happy and normal life free of those with SFC, not one made so twisted and demented by a SFC that you are pissed off every day of your life. Like mine.

Thank you and have a good day.

My Indecisive Compulsive Disorder (ICD)

My name is Mikinzie and I have a problem.

I am one  of the many shopoholics that compulsively purchases clothing, makeup, shoes, and accessories in excess. In this day and age it is fairly normal, or at least popular, among the fairer sex. I mean, they even made a movie about it; curiously enough starring a redheaded writer with an out-of-control spending habit. Hmmmm, sound familiar?

However, I have a rare condition. It is because of this condition that I consider myself to be in an advanced stage of shopoholism. I enjoy the high of spending beyond my means like my fellow shopaholics, but I then have a compulsion to take it back for a return. Sometimes its a week later, sometimes its a day later, and sometimes its even 20 minutes later.

It is a condition that causes me and my loved ones much mental anguish. Some say its even border-line insanity. I have a condition called Indecisive Compulsive Disorder (ICD).  Contrary to popular belief, it is not just the general state of indecisiveness, but the state of indecisiveness on a much grander scale.

ICD not ONLY means not knowing what to order on a menu, keeping those eating with you waiting for your decision, BUT when you finally do decide, you change at the last minute from having decision made back to a state of “I-don’t-know.” (A scenario that I have learned to avoid by giving the helpless waitress a few choices and then making HER decide for me).

ICD does not necessarily stem from my shopoholism, but adds to the severity of my shopping addiction. Take for instance today: I was shopping at one of my favorite clothing stores, Express, and got a deal that allowed me both 20 dollars off the total amount and 20% off of the remaining amount. In other words, I was high on the thrill of the Spend n’ Save rollercoaster. I had purchased two pairs of editor shorts (one in black, one in white), a cardigan, and a t-shirt (already on sale: triple bonus!).

After my super-savings fantasia, I shopped around the mall a bit more and had the challenging task of picking out suitable attire at Banana Republic for my young, fun, but-fashionably clueless –or maybe a better word would be “careless”– 29-year-old track coach, Steve. Since he had a $70 gift card and no idea what to spend it on, I was on a mission to find something so casually cool that even a fashionably aloof guy such as Steve wouldn’t be able to resist checking himself out in the window (which I do all the time. Another vice, I know). After many trying attempts and many refusals of my exhaustive request to “just spend it on me ,” we finally hit success with a navy blue half-zip and two timeless t’s (a stunning red to compliment his Italian ethnicity and a charcoal grey ringer t). I think I was more thrilled than he was.

Being entranced by the aspect of picking clothes out for someone, I hadn’t realized the symptoms of my disorder until we left the store. Then it hit me: I needed to take back the white pair of editor shorts.

“They aren’t practical.”

“But they look stunning with the red shirt (with fabulous white, black, and metallic accents) I just bought.”

“Doesn’t matter. I am marching in there and taking them back.”

“But I they are so in for spring and summer.”

“Just put one foot in front of the other”

“Thatta girl….”

And so I returned them. Meanwhile, still trying to figure out whether I had made the right decision in doing so, I watched the sales associate staple the return receipt to my original receipt. I shuffled out of the store with my head hung low, a mild form of post-return depression coming on. That’s when I actually LOOKED at the reciept. I had only paid $32.46 for a pair of $44.50 pair of shorts! What a deal!

That’s when the panic hit me. I was stuck in limbo and actually turned towards the store, then back around, then back towards the store again. I wanted to march back into Express and demand that they resell me those shorts! How dare they not explain to me what a bargain I was missing out on! However, I considered, they may call security to escort me out of the store in a straitjacket, for both my sake and theirs.

After turning round and round in circles, I admitted defeat and dragged my feet away from the store’s entrance. If I hadn’t been shopping with three other people on this particular occasion, I probably would have continued to chase my tail like a dog until I collapsed from dizziness.

I like to think that my case of ICD is due to the fact that I am of a slight-perfectionist nature and absolutely dread making the wrong decision. Most times, in order to avoid making a wrong decision, a decision is just simply not made. This then results in my post-return depression from the lost opportunity. Then it just becomes an ever-evolving vicious cycle until I am exhausted from mentally running around in circles.

Call me crazy, but I think I might be on to something.

Southpark’s “Stupid Spoiled Whore” Actually Got Something Right

I am sure by the time I post this blog, everyone has seen the McCain ad featuring Obama, Hilton, and Spears. I am even more sure that everyone has seen Paris’ rebuttal ad either on CNN, Funny or Die, or somewhere else on the wonderful world wide web. (wwww.com?) If you haven’t seen the ad, see below for a free view.

Before I congratulate her, let me preface this by saying I have been a longtime member of the Hilton Haters. Though I have always had some respect for Nicki, Paris has always left me with a sour taste in my mouth and a look of befuddlement on my face. I have been baffled by girls, both in high school and college, who worship her. To this day, the episode of South Park making fun of Paris Hilton is one that is almost too close to reality to be satire and reigns as one of my faves.

However, this will be the first (and probably last) time that I say “Kudos” to Ms. Paris Hilton. I was both astounded and amused at her involvement in dirty politics- she fits right in. Instead of being annoying, she is surprisingly witty- even if she is sunbathing in a leopard print cutout one-piece during the ad. However her vocabulary still has not matured past referring to others as “bitches” and her excessive use of  the word “hot.” Though the lines that didn’t involve the word “hot” or “bitches” were unlikely written by Ms. Hilton, they weren’t half bad. At least she can POSE as being interested in political issues- as long as there is a camera ready, of course.

It appears to me that Paris is at her best when she acts like herself- a stupid spoiled whore. Everyone likes a person who can poke fun not only at the expense of others (which she does to McCain with glee), but at the expense of themselves. Especially when you are a 5’11 – blue eyed- platinum blond- 125 lbs heiress.

In my opinion this is Paris best move in the media yet, even if she was practically handed the publicity by McCain. At least it is a hell of a lot more original than a sex tape, jail stint, and finding God. If Paris keeps this up, she may end up having more fans than foes. God help us all.