Southpark’s “Stupid Spoiled Whore” Actually Got Something Right

I am sure by the time I post this blog, everyone has seen the McCain ad featuring Obama, Hilton, and Spears. I am even more sure that everyone has seen Paris’ rebuttal ad either on CNN, Funny or Die, or somewhere else on the wonderful world wide web. (wwww.com?) If you haven’t seen the ad, see below for a free view.

Before I congratulate her, let me preface this by saying I have been a longtime member of the Hilton Haters. Though I have always had some respect for Nicki, Paris has always left me with a sour taste in my mouth and a look of befuddlement on my face. I have been baffled by girls, both in high school and college, who worship her. To this day, the episode of South Park making fun of Paris Hilton is one that is almost too close to reality to be satire and reigns as one of my faves.

However, this will be the first (and probably last) time that I say “Kudos” to Ms. Paris Hilton. I was both astounded and amused at her involvement in dirty politics- she fits right in. Instead of being annoying, she is surprisingly witty- even if she is sunbathing in a leopard print cutout one-piece during the ad. However her vocabulary still has not matured past referring to others as “bitches” and her excessive use of  the word “hot.” Though the lines that didn’t involve the word “hot” or “bitches” were unlikely written by Ms. Hilton, they weren’t half bad. At least she can POSE as being interested in political issues- as long as there is a camera ready, of course.

It appears to me that Paris is at her best when she acts like herself- a stupid spoiled whore. Everyone likes a person who can poke fun not only at the expense of others (which she does to McCain with glee), but at the expense of themselves. Especially when you are a 5’11 – blue eyed- platinum blond- 125 lbs heiress.

In my opinion this is Paris best move in the media yet, even if she was practically handed the publicity by McCain. At least it is a hell of a lot more original than a sex tape, jail stint, and finding God. If Paris keeps this up, she may end up having more fans than foes. God help us all.

Drink of Choice

My cup of inspiration

Do you ever think that what you drink says something about you? Well of course you do. This is about as novel of an idea as the whole “shoes” theory. Based on stereotypes (which, surprisingly, are not as inaccurate as people think), people who drink water are health-conscious, people who drink diet pop are either trying to lose weight or trying to keep it off, people who drink coffee black are bitter (HA kidding, of course..what do I have to be bitter about? lol) and people who drink designer-energy drinks such as Rockstar or Monster like to have a rowdy time the night before and are paying for it now.

Being a connoisseur of beverages (Last time I went grocery shopping, my dear friend Heidi and I both noticed that I had more beverage items than items of food). I have come to the conclusion that drinks also tie into the whole pre-dating/ dating/ whatever-you-want-to-call-

it thing. This mainly goes out to the ladies, as a way to predict what you are getting yourself into, but is also is a good piece of advice for guys so you are more accurate on letting her know what you want. Now back to my point. Mainly, there are two choices of beverage in regards to this theory: Coffee and “Drinks” (as in ones involving alcohol). As we all know, guys are generally the ones to ask a girl out for “fill in the blank.” (Yes, even I, an assertive and aggressive alpha-female, generally lets the guy make the first move) The main focus is on the “fill in the blank” I referred to above.

First let’s focus on coffee. Coffee is generally associated with conversation ie “sitting down” for coffee at a coffee shop. A warm cup of joe chock full of caffeine is just what you need to jump-start an intelligent conversation (and by conversing, I do not mean just small talk). Before your first cup is gone (or cold for you non-coffee drinkers), the two of you are having a philosophical conversation even Aristotle himself would deem worthy. Therefore, it is fair to assume that if you are asked out to coffee (or are asking), then the person genuinely would like to get to know you better and wants you to learn a little something about them as well.

Secondly, drinks. I will be honest, I am very excited to be turning 21 in a matter of days. Drinks are not a bad thing (in moderation of course), and can lead to a good time. Most often than not, that is all they lead to. Let’s look at it logically. Alcohol lowers inhibitions, affecting the frontal lobe of your brain (which is key to your personality..scientific fact, look it up) Therefore, when you are intoxicated, you are not “yourself.” I know the cliche “drunk words are sober thoughts,” comes to mind, but how many times have you done things that you either a) cannot remember or b) do not wish to remember? We have all done things totally out of character when intoxicated (ask anyone and their brother and skeletons will come bursting out of every closet). Therefore, if asked out (or asking) for drinks,it is fair to assume that both parties are looking to have a good time..and thats it.

If you know me at all, then you know my drink of choice is coffee…black

The Comedy of Cooking

Cooking, art thou cultured or domesticated? That is my question.

A year ago, the words “I can’t cook” were frequently uttered from my lips. I could not cook and I had no desire to learn. I have been cooking for exactly one year now. I was forced into learning how to cook after moving off campus since I didn’t have anyone to do it for me and I didn’t have the money or the metabolism to go out to eat every night.  However, it is something that I have finally come to enjoy.

What I do not enjoy is the connotations that have been associated with women and cooking. I am in no way domesticated, or at least not intentionally. While I do enjoy a clean surface to eat on, I am in no way a housemaker. Just because I can cook does not mean I have any intentions of being a stay-at-home wife. Accordingly, I do not spend an hour cooking just because I have to. There are plenty of tasty items to choose from in the freezer section at the grocery store.

I cook because I enjoy it. I enjoy picking out a combination of herbs to shake onto vegatables and meat. I enjoy lifting my wok and shaking it around just to hear it sizzle. I enjoy stirring rice, pasta, or sauce to just the right consistency. But most of all, I enjoy the compliments I get when I make a good meal. I enjoy the “Oooos” and Ahhhhs.” I enjoy the bragging rights. I enjoy the ego boost.

Just like doing anything else one is good at such as painting a picture, writing a poem, designing a room, playing chess, putting together an outfit- Good cooking is a way of saying “Look at me, I can do something well!”

Now I have gotten some guff on my cooking abilities from friends who are very “I am woman, hear me roar!” And while I consider myself pretty independent, I appreciate my ability to cook and admit to liking it. This has gotten me the name “house bitch” on a few instances. However, I choose not to think of myself as domesticated, but rather, cultured. I think cooking is necessary to being cultured. It is WHAT and WHY you cook that divides the cultured from the domesticated.

 

Here are the differences:

Domesticated

What: Usually follows a routine schedule. Family favorites, quick dishes for laundry night, and the classic casserole. Basic ingredients consistent of a meat, a starch, and a vegetable. Lots of steak and potatoes. Side salad with ranch or french dressing. Milk or water to drink.

Why: To feed a grouchy husband and whiny children. (Or for someone who is still single, to feed a boyfriend who can’t feed himself.)

Cultured

What: Same basic setup but with a new twist. Dishes that are tangy, flavorful, and sometimes even exotic. Salad no longer consists of carrots and cheddar cheese, but rather feta or blue cheese, dried fruit, and nuts. Starch is no longer mashed potatoes, but rather spicy potatoes or wild rice. Meats are cooked with flavorings other than salt and pepper, such as lemon juice, teriyaki, basil, thyme, rosemary, or a variety of dressings and mustards. And to drink? Alcohol of course.

Why: To expand one’s pallette. To experience foods from other places. To get drunk on the aromas and arouse the senses.

 

So bottom line, Domesticated cooking is boring: it is a means to an end. Cultured cooking, on the other hand, is an experience and a meal: killing two birds with one stone.

Cooking can become an adventure if you let it. Beginning with finding an appealing new recipe and shopping for the ingrediants, to cooking the meal and smelling the fragrant steam, to actually enjoying the meal itself. It can take you right out of your home and into other exotic countries, if only for an hour.

A good example of those who Culturally cook is the French. Maybe they have a reason to be quite snobbish: their cuisine is fantastic. However, it is the state of mind that they have when it comes to cooking that makes them not only lean, but cultured. They shop day to day for their meals, aside from the wine and cheese that are always found in a French household. They use full-flavored and full-fat foods to make a full stomach. The French do not stuff their faces or scarf down their meal; they sit back, relax, and savor every bite.

Now, I am not saying that us busy Americans have time to grocery shop every day, but I think it would be beneficial for America’s obesity problem to get their ass off the couch, Tivo American Idol, and grocery shop a few times a week for fresh produce. Believe me, your friends and family will thank you.